Dealing With Toddler Tantrums

The first time your child throws a tantrum may come as a complete shock to you. Your beautiful, sweet and well behaved toddler, who you were convinced was incapable of such displays is suddenly thrashing about on the floor of the shopping center, screaming their little lungs out and causing such a commotion that you wish the ground could just swallow you up. Welcome to the world of Toddler tantrums

If this is your first born, then you are most likely guilty of witnessing other parents terrible twos throw such a wobbler in public and thinking to yourself that either the child wasn’t getting enough attention or was a little bit spoilt.  Now unfortunately there is a gathering of passer-bys who are thinking those very thoughts about your little angel.

What do you do when your toddler is having a tantrum in public? I am sure you have witnessed many a parent pulling their hair out or losing their cool with their toddler in the very same situation. In fact it would be unusual to go to a busy shopping center and not witness such a display.

You will no doubtly hear a lot of advice and suggestions when you arrive home exhausted and tell your partner/ neighbor or mother about your shopping ordeal.

Here are the facts about toddler tantrums; I have never met a parent who didn’t at least experience one of these public displays of a toddler’s frustration.  Most experience many more than one and our little sweethearts have an uncanny ability to get the timing for these outbursts absolutely perfectly.  They know exactly how to push your buttons, they know when you are tired, stressed or just about to leave and they usually start to perform at the most inconvenient time possible and in the most public place they possibly can.

First of all you need to make absolutely sure that there is no real problem that is upsetting them (although this is rare for a tantrum) ensure they did not get a fright, hurt themselves or that there is any other valid reason for such a display.

Once you have established that there is nothing wrong, which usually takes only a moment, considering more often than not they are screeching something along the lines of “gimme gimme” and “I want”.  The next step is to remain absolutely calm.  Ignore the onlookers, if any.  People seem to think it is ok to comment, stare and even point out your Childs tantrum to others and you may even hear the tutting.  Ignore it all,  anyone who has raised children should understand and wouldn’t dream of making the experience worse for you or you child.

If you are in a position to pick your child up (when shopping this can be difficult) do so and remove them to a more private area, the restrooms or even a discreet corner of the shopping center where your child can be given the chance to calm down. It is important to remain calm throughout your Childs tantrum as they are absorbing your behaviour, even as they shout and kick. They need to learn that this behaviour will not have the desired effect and that you are prepared to out wait them, until they are able to calm down.

Tantrums, especially the first one, can be a frightening experience for your child and you should keep this in mind as you try to deal with them, they are not fully in control of such strong emotions and to go from a tantrum back to relative calm can be a difficult technique to learn.

Provided you are not in a rush, take the time to sit or stand with your child, or at least beside them. You do need to be very firm here too, you should tell your child in a clear voice that their demand (whatever it happens to be) will not be met. Once you have told them this, you should try and soothe your child as best you can. This can be easier said than done, especially if it is a particularly aggressive tantrum. If they are kicking and hitting out, try to hold them as still as possible without being overly forceful, your job here is to teach them how to calm themselves and sometimes all that is required is reassurance that you are close and ready to comfort them when they reach a calmer level.

As I have said, staying calm is essential, but it can be difficult and something that I have found to work is to use the element of surprise, your child is probably expecting a strong reaction from you in response to their outburst, sometimes the opposite can have a great effect.  I usually opted for counting with my young toddler.  If you start counting, quietly (but loud enough for them to hear) quite often, your child will, after a few moments, start listening, because they were not expecting that reaction from you and because children are always learning and absorbing others behavior, the simple method of counting can have a very calming effect.  I have had great success with this method and often my children have started counting along with me, completely forgetting the reason for their tantrum in the first place.